My heart was heavy. How would we make it without our brother?
Martha stood before me, “The Master is calling for you.”
The weight around my heart released its grip. I knew he’d come. I ran towards Him. I had to see Him. He would understand.
And seeing Jesus, I fell down at His feet—my safe place to fall. (Tweet that)
From the first time I met Him, I devoured every word He’d say. I had to. Those words would sink into the deepest parts of me, like a healing balm. And when He spoke it was as if He knew me. My thoughts, my heart, the real me.
He’d come to our home and Martha would fuss. Martha loved fussing. She’d even get upset with me. Wanting me to get up and fuss with her.
But I wasn’t going to miss one word. Not one. And now in our grief He was here.
I stood up though my heart tried keeping me down. Grief weighs heavily. The closer the loved one— the heavier the weight.
Somehow standing next to Him I knew He’d help us through this. Jesus loved Lazarus. Oh Lazarus. How I ache.
The words forced their way out of my mouth.
“Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
He knew how I felt, whether I spoke it or not.
That “if only,” had tormented me for hours, ever since we saw him stop breathing. We were just so sure Jesus would come. His absence made everything much harder. Impossible.
And now, standing beside Him, my tears fell freely. This was my brother I lost, the one I shared my life with.
Looking up, I saw Jesus’ eyes. There were no looks of judgement. He felt no need to rebuke me in His gentle way.
He wasn’t disappointed in my humanness. Instead, I saw His compassion, reflected in His tears.
And in His grief, He prayed.
Grief would not stop Him, nothing would stop Him from acknowledging God. He thanked God for hearing Him.
He showed me God can always be reached, no matter where we are.
And Jesus called out, “Lazarus, come forth!”
The air was quiet. I saw the faces of those around me. Those who had loved Lazarus, loved us.
I struggled to believe good would come out of something so hard. But somehow with Jesus there, it seemed possible. With Him all things were possible.
All eyes were on the tomb. The anticipation was thick. No one moved.
And then, we saw him still bound, walking toward us. There was no question it was him. Martha and I had put those grave clothes on. Carefully, we dressed him, remembering our times together.
And now here he was. I caught my breath. Time stood still.
We ran to him. Embraced him.
He had been gone, yet he stood before us.
I always felt my Master loved me. But today I see how much. Do you know why?
He cried with me.