“Isn’t she Beautiful?” (FmF)

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Photo courtesy Michael Peterson – proud daddy.


Time for Five minute Friday, linking with Lisa Jo Baker.

  • Write for five minutes.
  • Post without editing.
  • Prompt: beautiful

 

“Isn’t she Beautiful?” he asked me.

Honestly I wondered if we were looking at the same baby?

The one before me was thin and very long; 3 1/2 pounds stretched out over 17 inches. Perhaps my vision was clouded by my guilt.

Couldn’t I even do this right?

Just a couple weeks ago when a nurse checked me out she remarked, “Kline.”

With my limited understanding, I knew that meant small.

And somehow she didn’t grow. She was born by emergency C-section, unable to go through a normal birthing process.

And while other moms held their infants I held a little polaroid Mike snapped before she was whisked away to another hospital 40 minutes away.

Finally I got to visit her. To leave my hospital and come here. Looking at my sweetheart I still feel responsible for her low birth-weight.

No, I didn’t smoke. I did everything by the book. But I still felt guilty.

I stroked her skin through the little opening in the incubator. I told her I’d be back.

“Can we just wait till she falls asleep?” I asked. I visited her hospital for two months before we got to bring her home. The German doctors require the babies be at least 6 pounds.

Finally they put her in my waiting arms. My mask drenched from tears unstoppable. I looked down at the blessing she was.

So small and so long.

How could I love someone this small so much?

I smiled. Mike was right. Jessica was beautiful.

And she still is, 27 years later.

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30 thoughts on ““Isn’t she Beautiful?” (FmF)

    • Rachael,
      Thanks for reading and for your comment. I don’t think it helped me that a person actually implied my daughter was small because of me. She said something that sounded like that and when I questioned her she replied, “Well, you’re the one who said she didn’t want to have a big girl.”

      Then the guilt attached itself permanently.

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  1. Wonderful post Anne…and babies are just a wonderful miracle of love no matter how they look 🙂 Love your words…thanks for sharing!

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  2. Don’t take on guilt because other people are careless or thoughtless. Sometimes things just happen. And honestly, you got a beautiful baby out of it… and still have her. Blessings to you both.

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    • Staci,

      Thanks for reading and for your comments. You’re right. I’m just so thankful that Jessica got enough oxygen as she grew inside of me. So thankful. I nearly died having her, but God protected us both.

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  3. She really is such a pretty little baby. I think it’s so neat that you and Jess are close and have this wonderful bond of creativity. She is a truly special and amazingly gifted lady. I know you must be so proud of her.

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    • Kathleen,

      Thanks for reading. Jess and I were just talking today about how we are close friends. I don’t know when it happened, but I’m glad. We’ve always been close, but I just don’t remember when it changed from the mother/daughter relationship. It was a quiet transition.

      Thanks for your kind comments. And yes, I am very proud of her.

      Like

  4. Tears in my eyes, Anne. Having children breaks our hearts. ‘Kline’ or not. Some we loose, some grow up to be become gorgeous adults, the world at their feet, like your Jessica and my Peter. What a wonderful FmF post. My niece is working on some ideas for the book covers. Chat later. Have a great 4th of July weekend. Patricia

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    • Patricia,

      Thanks for reading and for your comments. My weekend has been nice. Mostly because I gave myself permission to go to the fireworks. It was me and Jess. It’s been a while since I had gone. And I loved it.

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  5. So sweet! God is so good. You may have *felt* responsible for her “kline” birth weight, but it was all in His hands. 🙂 His “gross” hands! Jessica, how sweet to have a mother who dotes on you at 27. I hope my own daughter will still let me blog her name at 17. 😉 Blessings!

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    • Sharon,

      Thanks for reading and for your comments. Funny story. When I told Jess the word prompt she knew where I was going with my story. And she smiled through it till I got to the end. Then let out a laugh that I mentioned her age. And then when I read your comment I had to laugh again. 🙂

      Like

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